What if I spoke to myself like I do to my dog?
If you have a dog (or cat, gerbil, lizard, other animal in your care) you likely speak to them…a lot. I talk to my dog (an 11 year old female black labrador named Camden) more than I talk to people some days. I ask her if she’s hungry or if she wants to go outside. When I say, “let’s go to the park” she’s really happy about that.
We love our pets because of how much they love us…and that’s unconditionally. When we’re in our fancy clothes or sweatpants, they think we’re awesome. They don’t mind if we’re late or grouchy, they’re just along for the ride. We don’t need to prove our worth to our pets like we do to the rest of society.
I love Camden when she barks at the delivery guy, when she pukes on the couch (why the couch and not the hardwood floors, I’ll never understand), when she wakes me up early (which I lowkey love because I also enjoy an early start to the day.) I love my dog, not because of what she does (although she does keep us safe from the dreaded package delivery people and political candidates) but just because she’s here. It’s not like she’s working to bring in money for the mortgage or keeps a job just so she has health care benefits. She’s being a loving soul, she’s a vibe.
And because I love her so much, I tell her. I hype her up, I speak words of affirmation as though it was her love language (although tennis balls and playing in the water is really her love language)
I, like most dog parents, say all manner of crazy things to my dog. Some of the things I frequently say to Camden:
You’re the prettiest girl in the world
I love you so much, my sweet furry lover
You are a queen in a black fur coat
Tell me about the time you were the very best good girl
You are a sweet fur angel
You’re my best best, very bestest friend
Look at your sweet pretty brown eyes
These are ,of course, ridiculous, silly and giggle-worthy comments and conversations. You have your own version of things you say to your pet. Things that would (maybe) embarrass you if someone else heard them. We tell our pets they are loved, attractive, valued and worthy. Yes, even on the days they drive us crazy.
But do you ever say these sorts of comments to yourself. I see Camden’s graying beard and eyebrows as adorable. Yet, I try to smooth out the wrinkles on my face to look like I’m 20, not 40. I chastise myself for not being a better wife, daughter, friend or yoga teacher yet I tell my dog she’s a fur angel. I’m hard on myself, harder than I should I be. And so here’s the lesson: speak to myself with kindness and compassion as though I am speaking to my best friend.
I praise Camden like she’ll one day open her mouth and say, “thanks, you’re right, I know I’m the prettiest girl in the world” She knows her worth because I tell her she is worthy. Yet my own worth is wrapped up in external validation. How does the patriarchal society view me…a petite, married, educated, able-bodied, straight, white, middle age woman. If I were to remove or alter one of these reference points would my worth go up or down? Is my worth the stock market to be bought (low) and sold (high). Or can I speak to myself as though I am the cherished family pet. Can I receive the love that I speak to the soul in my house who has 4 legs and also loves almond butter?
So I’m trying something new: every time I tell Camden how pretty she is, I’m going to tell myself how pretty I am. Is this vanity or self-love? Where is the line? Am I inflating my own ego or owning my power? I’ll let you know how this experiment turns out. How it goes when I hype myself up, like I do my dog. Can I speak better to myself without needing to prove my worth?
If you meet yourself with self-doubt, if the inner critic is constantly running their mouth, might this practice help you? I’d love to know how this resonates with you.