How to Spot (and Stop) Energetic Vampires
You know that feeling when you leave a person, event, or place and you feel drained? Like something just sucked the life out of you? Often, that’s because you’ve been managing someone else’s emotions. That’s what an energetic vampire does. They’re emotional parasites—and this is not a nurturing relationship.
As someone with naturally high energy, I’ve noticed that energetic vampires are drawn to me. They often try to rope me into gossip, unload endless stories about their problems, and position themselves as constant victims. Of course, I’m here to support my friends—and in a coaching context, that support comes with clear boundaries and well-defined expectations. But whether it's personal or professional, being around an energetic vampire will leave you feeling depleted rather than nourished.
People pleasers, empaths, and highly sensitive souls are especially vulnerable to EVs. I know because I have been working on moving beyond the people pleasing that got me through a difficult childhood in a home that was often unsafe. I’d constantly check in with people, which was like turning my neck to the vampire for them to bite it: “Hey, sorry if I did something that bothered you,” or “Just making sure you're okay…” or “If you need me, I can come over and we can chat.” The thing is, after being there for someone, they often weren’t there for me. They got the best of my energy but I didn’t get any of theirs.
No more. You don’t get my thoughts, my words, or my energy unless it’s a mutual exchange. Vampires feel better after being with you because the feed off your energy. They rarely give anything back. That’s not a relationship—it’s a transaction, and a one-sided one at that.
Just because someone wants your energy doesn’t mean they deserve it. If you’re not in an energetically balanced relationship, you do not have to stay. In fact, it’s in your best interest to seek out people who nourish you, not drain you.
So what can you do?
Name it to claim it: Notice what about this person or situation is draining. Do they constantly gossip? Talk badly about someone you care about? Only talk about themselves and never ask about you?
Tune into your body: For me, the signs that I’m dealing with an EV are physical—tightness in my jaw or belly. Even hearing their name can trigger that “ugh” feeling. That’s my body saying, “Not an energetic match.”
Use energetic protection: Before entering a busy space or being around someone who’s been energetically challenging, I visualize a “bubble of protection” around me. They can see me and I can see them, but they cannot enter my bubble.
Leave the environment and / or cut them out: You don’t have to stay. You don’t have to talk to them. And you definitely don’t have to manage their emotions. Removing energetic vampires is an act of self-care. Maybe other people love them. That’s fine—they’re not your match. You don’t need to justify your decision. If someone isn’t caring, kind, and reciprocal, they don’t deserve your kindness.
After any encounter with an energetic vampire, I recharge intentionally. For me it looks like (and please give these a try yourself)
Connection to nature…bare feet on the grass or hands on a tree
Meditation or journaling
Somatic movement (shaking it out works wonders)
Burning sage, lighting a candle
A hot shower, imagining the bad energy washing down the drain
These rituals restore my strength and help me come back to myself…while removing the energetic hook from the vampire.
If you start to see energetic vampires as teachers—as chances to practice good energetic hygiene—you’ll build your awareness and resilience. EVs are inevitable. But how you respond to them? That’s 100% your choice.
Want to explore this more with me? Drop a “vampire” below and we’ll connect.