My body is for living…not for looking

When I was in my 20s and 30s, I was keenly aware that my body was something to look at. Not me looking out into the world, but others (ugh, mostly through the male gaze) looking at me. Like many people who live in a body that identifies as female, I was taught that my body existed to be admired, managed, judged, critiqued and corrected. I was constantly told, directly or indirectly, how I should look.

Rather than seeing all the ways I'm not "looking" right, I had a mindset shift, a reframe that allowed me to see what my body is really for: my body is for living.

This space suit is what my soul has used for the last 42 years to experience this weird and wonderful planet and what I'll use for at least another 50 years (I'm planning to live a vibrant life well into my 90s) So rather than modifying my body for external judgement and potential approval, I want to care for her so we can have maximum fun and peak experiences. 

Turns out, I don’t mind dirt under my fingernails when it means I’ve been gardening or cleaning up the alley. How could I rock climb or paddle board with long nails anyway? Or even hold a phone without hurting my fingers and wrists? Side note: once, I literally LOL’ed watching a woman at the airport trying to type with her inch-long acrylics. She kept dropping her phone and getting mad while cursing and not wearing headphones. Sis, you did this to yourself! Why wouldn't I want to use my hands, I need them....like alllllll the time. For a woman to forgo the use of her hands in the spirit of "looking good" makes no sense to me.

Turns out, wearing clothes that allow me to bend down to pet dogs or chase my niece on the playground are more important than looking good standing in a photo. If I can't move in an outfit that's a sure sign I shouldn't be wearing it. And yes, I see women wearing clothes, presumably just for a photo to try to garnish likes and "omg so pretty" comments on the innerwebs, only to watch them constantly adjust and fix themselves when they think no one is looking. I'm not trying to sit here on a towel by the water because I'm worried my bathing suit will fall down. I'm trying to jump off the high rock or mermaid around in the ocean for a little bit. I don't want to spend time focusing on looking a certain way when there is a whole lot of moving and grooving to be done. Soft and breathable fabrics with pockets, please and thank you. 

Turns out, wearing shoes that slow me down isn't for me either. If I can't run through an airport during a tight connection, if I have to hold onto a railing going down stairs or if I complain about my feet hurting, it's a big freaking, "no thanks" on the footwear. And yet women proclaim themselves to be a "shoe gal" when they can't actually move or walk? You wanna just look "good" standing around? Go for it homie, I'm gonna be out here dancing on my blister-free feet (do I even have to wear shoes?) 

When I dressed to be looked at I felt more self-conscious. I’d think about my hair, my stomach, my posture…basically everything except the actual experience I was in. When I dressed to be looked at, it changed my personality and not in a way that was encouraging me to live authentically. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if nails, clothes, and shoes were invented just to slow women down.

When my body is for looking, I don’t actually enjoy living in it. I'm 2nd guessing if I should get my hair wet, if this bra makes my boobs look weird, do these pants make my belly look too big, etc. But when I dress and use my body for living, okayyyyy LFG! I can run and jump, pet the dog, dig in the dirt. I can swim in the ocean because that's what feels so good. If I'm wearing a skimpy bathing suit just to look good lounging by the pool, that's boring to me. That's generic, basic and frankly not appealing energy. 

These days, I move my body not to achieve an “aesthetic” but because it’s joyful to do so. I work out to take care of my space suit, not to reshape it. The goal isn’t to look good, it’s to feel good.

By cutting out the “looking” part, I’ve freed myself from trends, approval, and comparison. Using my body to experience the world is one of the most important things I can do in this lifetime. When I realized my looks were the least interesting thing about me, I stopped judging how I should look in my body and just started living in body.

When I’m fully in my body, I feel joyful. I feel alive. And that’s what I want my life to be about: joy and fun, not perfection or performance.

So I’ll ask you: How are you living with your body?